A Story I Relate To...

One of my close friends, who happens to be a sociology major, posted a link to an article about a marriage that seemed to be having difficulties. The husband had lost his way in life and had fallen on hard times. The wife was patient and gave him the space he needed to realize he needed to find his happiness in himself... I can't do the story justice, so, you'll need to read it yourself:
http://theweek.com/article/index/99512/the-last-word-he-said-he-was-leaving-she-ignored-him

Suffice it to say that, while I may not be in my 40s, I can relate to the husband.

Where my story draws its parallel is in my loss of happiness and pride. Being a creative type, I was once very confident in my abilities... confident to the point of arrogance, almost. But, after struggling to get through school (8 years for only a two-year degree), and 3 years of persistent applications (with regards to trying to get a job/career in my field), my confidence broke. Since then, I have been on a roller coaster of emotional unsteadiness and incessant battles with depression over the past year. I have been overwhelmed with unhappiness and disdain for where I am in life at my age. This was not my plan for my life. [Emphasis on "my"... since, "my plan" isn't necessarily or may not ever be God's plan. The two are definitely not one and the same.]

My plan for my life, from early on, was to go on to college and obtain a reputable degree in the arts (of some sort), and build a career that utilized my skills and talents. To be successful, enough to support myself and to be capable of supporting a family... and to meet, fall in love with, and marry a wonderful woman by my mid to late 20s. My plan was to have a family by my 30s.

Well, 30 came and went and none of those things had really happened yet, aside from turning nearly 5 and a half years of college into a 2 year degree.

I guess, perhaps, I had treated 30 as a benchmark year for my life or something. Nevertheless, the past year and some months have been quite an emotional mess.

Fortunately, I have some truly wonderful friends. They are all extremely supportive. Some don't give any advice, they just listen - for that I am grateful. Some give a little advice - which may not always be the best advice - but I know their hearts are in the right place. And some of them have been very instrumental in keeping me afloat and helping not to completely lose myself, and for that I am eternally grateful.

One such friend has pulled me through the muck and mire, as he himself was going through his own mess, dragging me along with him to various support groups and giving me advice that he was getting through his counseling sessions, since I could not afford a therapist. He has since helped in arranging for me to see a counselor with the support of our church, and he has helped in financially supplementing many of the balances of the sessions that I have been to.

Since having begun counseling, I have found that many of my problems aren't just rooted in the happiness of my present situation, but they are much deeper and are rooted in many issues that stem from early on in my childhood. These problems may take some time to work through, but I can at least be grateful in knowing that while it may not be easy, and, in fact it may be very hard, at least I know that God is faithful, He has a plan (much greater than my own), and He has blessed me with a tremendous support system.

Like the husband in the story, I have come to the understanding that I have to get my happiness internally (from God and myself) and not from the things or people in my life. That is the process I am working on.